Words and empty promises

Well this has to stop.
My last post was all about me changing again, about me getting back on the right path and what have I done? Absolutely not a single thing.
I have just eaten chips and curry, and now I feel massively unhealthy, fat and weak-willed. And I feel like that because that is pretty much exactly what I am right now.
I have no excuses. I have no reasons. I have nothing. I've done nothing. No exercise, no restrictions. I've eaten whatever I've wanted and chosen badly. I haven't been to the gym, or for a run or even cycled anywhere in the last few months.
That self-given goal is still there but I have done quite the opposite of what I wanted to do, towards it.
Every day for the last few days, weeks in fact, I've promised that 'tomorrow' will be the day. Its always tomorrow.

I want it to be tomorrow though. I don't want to feel this disgusting any more. I'm going to take photos and measurements tomorrow morning. I may or may not post them, depends on how ashamed I am of the numbers and pictures. Although that may well push me in to doing something about it.
I know exactly what it is that I have to do, and it's small steps, but I need to take the small steps in the right direction and I absolutely haven't been.
School runs and times are all settled now. My uni work is going well. I have run out of excuses. There are a billion resources out there that can help and support me with my journey and I should take advantage of them.
I also need to get off my fat arse and go for a run. It really is that simple.

I'm not promising anything, as I've broken any promise to that end that I've made lately, but tomorrow I really will try to stop being so lazy.
Once again, I'm going to ask for your help. Shout at me, tell me I'm fat (seriously, I need to hear it, and its not being mean because its true, Remind me why I want to do this, and point out how much better I felt when I had lost a stone the last time.
This isn't a fad diet or a quick fix, this is yet another lifestyle overhaul. Other things in my life are falling in to place, its only right that this one follows suit.

No more excuses.

Not happy

Its been a couple months since I last posted. A few things have changed since then. Main one being that I am a hell of a lot unfitter than I was three months ago.
I'm actually quite disappointed in myself right now.
I weighed myself earlier and realised that I have actually put on around 7lbs. I don't know exactly as I was clothed differently and it was a different time of day etc. I've also put on inches around my waist. Again, not sure exactly and didn't measure anywhere else as I didn't really want to know.
I have plenty of excuses as to why this has happened. School holidays, having to cancel the gym, not having the right foods etc. but the bottom line is, I stopped trying. It was easier to not eat correctly. It was easier to stay home and not go out and cycle. I got lazy again.
I got fatter again.
Considering how I felt when I had lost some of the weight, when I was on the way to becoming fit and healthy, I genuinely don't know why I just gave up. Again, laziness I suppose.

There really is only one thing for it now, and I must try again. I have to start over. But this time I will not give up. Because once I get to where I want to be, that will be where I will want to stay and that will also take work.

I have a goal now. An actual goal that means I need to have a better body shape than I do now. I won't elaborate, not yet, but its there.

My goal is fitness, health and in much better shape, figuratively and literally, than I am in now. And giving up, laziness, they're not options this time. And I'll get there.

I've given myself no other choice.

Running

Thursday last week I downloaded an app that I hope will actually change my life. I am aware that sounds incredibly dramatic, but its actually true.
Its the 'Couch to 5k' app. I am currently on day 2, and I'm really enjoying it. It is hard, damn hard, because I cannot run. I have no stamina for running. Stick me on a bike and I'll go 3 hours without a complaint, make me run for more than a minute and I will collapse at your feet.
So I am hoping that this app will teach me how to run, build up my stamina and also my general fitness levels.
I don't want to be good at just cycling, or skating or just one thing. I want to be able to do whatever I decide to do that day.
The app itself is great, what I'm doing at the moment is run for 1 minute, then walk for 1.5 minutes then run for 1 minute and so on. I have a guy in my ear telling me when I should run and walk, and then congratulates me when I'm done! I like the end bit most.
So yeah, that's my latest exercise news. I'll be spending the day studying then break for the gym at 2pm, then off to the park with the kids after school, minibeast hunting.
Oh, if anyone is interested, I keep an online food diary, (which really does help a lot actually) its here if you want to have a little look. Be warned, I am far from perfect!

I think I win at today already.

Teetotal

So yeah, as the post title suggests, I am thinking of going teetotal. Not forever of course, just for a month or so. Like a bit of a detox. I've found that when I do go out on say, a Friday night, my whole weekend is then written off. I don't get hangovers as such, but I guess they are in a way. I do drink a lot when I go out, I'm not going to deny that, pints and shots mainly, and I smoke when I drink too, which obviously is very bad for me, but it is a habit that I have got.
So, what I've been thinking, is that after my birthday (a week today!!), I'm going to lay off the drinking. I probably won't go out, as my willpower is really rather weak! I'm going to spend my time either in the gym, running, cycling, skating or studying. Or of course, being with my kids if they are with me.
I know that I am going to find this incredibly difficult. I really like drinking! But it seems like this is a natural progression for me and where I am headed.
I went out, had a great night with my friends Friday just gone, but I didn't wake up until late on Saturday and I did nothing. I had no kids that day, but I didn't go to the gym, I didn't even leave the house except to go to the shop 30 seconds away. And on Sunday I just felt incredibly down. I was snapping at the kids and that alone isn't fair on them. I'm just starting to think that its not worth it.
I know I could go out and drink in moderation, and that will be the next step, but for now, I think avoiding all temptation will be my best bet. Its not forever, and I can do this. I'll need masses of support though.

I can do this. (Probably.)

Photo post number two

• Bust - 34 inches
• Waist - 31.5 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 21 inches
• Upper arm - 12 inches
• Weight - 11.11st

Well, second photo blogpost means I've put on weight, but lost inches. Personally, I can also see a difference in my tummy, in the side profile picture. Thing is, I can fluctuate by about half a stone overnight. I always have done. Lord knows how, but I do! Which means that I have to take more stock in my measurements and visual factors, than my actual weight.
We all know that weight can change for a billion reasons so I'm not too bothered about that difference.
I've started a new morning routine too, it consists of:

• 10 press-ups
• 20 squats
• 30 lunges
• 50 sec wall-sit
• 90 sec star jumps

And then do it in reverse. It hurts, and is actually harder than it looks. For me anyways. But I'm going to keep at it. I started it yesterday, and can only do it up to where I've listed there, I can't do it the way back down. But hopefully in a weeks time, that will have changed.

I'm really quite into the fitness side of my work now. I read up on a lot of different 'tactics' and types of exercise. If I had unlimited money, there would be so much that I want to try. Climbing, archery and roller derby to name a few. But we all know that these things cost money, so the closest I'll be getting will be on the Xbox or something! Aaaanyways, I want to give running another try. I've been given advice, and have been shown a website, which will help immensely. I've also done some research of my own and think I finally have a plan of action. My main issue is that I will have to keep my patience in check. I am not fit. I'm strong yes, but I'm not fit. I was told today, that my cycling would actually work against me running, as cycling builds up your quads but doesn't do much for your hamstrings, and vice versa with running. So it'll probably take me a little longer to get through it. I've decide that's going to be my end-of-year goal, to be able to run. Not a marathon or anything, but just a little bit. Maybe ten minutes without dying (Yes, I'm that bad!) and work it up from there.

I've spoken to my trainer today, as my workout was getting a little same-y, so she is going to write me up another, so I have a workout A and workout B, that should keep me occupied and interested.

My immediate goal is to lose a stone by my birthday, which is on the 2nd July. It sounds like a lot, but I think its easily achievable if I put the effort in.
I saw a picture the other day, it said "Want faster results? Simple. Work harder."

It's true.

P.S. Excuse my bruises.

 

Photo post número uno

So, I've gotten to the point where I feel a bit better about how I look. I'm going to start weekly comparison photo posts. And this is my first. I'll put measurements and weight in too. I'm also going to do clothed, and er, not so clothed!
There will be no nakedness though!
I find it annoying but not surprising that I look so much better with clothes, but they're sucking in what clearly needs sucking in!
Tell you what though, if this doesn't motivate me, nothing will!

Taking my life back

• Bust - 36.5 inches
• Waist - 32 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 21 inches
• Upper arm - 12.5 inches
• Weight - 11.7 st 

Well, those measurements were unexpected. I had honestly thought that I would either be the same since I last posted, or bigger. I can't say I'm over the moon, but I am happy.Although I haven't really been doing all that much apart from the last couple of weeks. And not even this week.
But that is all going to change. (Again!) As the title of this post says, I am going to take my life back. I had been progressing well, and then things happened. I'm not going to go into what or why as that's not what this blog is about (I will say elsewhere so if you want that blog address, let me know!). So yeah, I had some setbacks, then just as I get back on track, we discover that my eldest is ill and has to be taken to hospital, we find out he has a blood disorder but he's sort of ok. So that knocked my revival on its head this week! Again, that'll be spoken about in more detail elsewhere if you're interested.

So, here it is. My measurements are better than I thought they would be, I will weigh myself sometime over the next few days but my last weight from about a week ago is up there.
I watched Blade: Trinity a couple days ago and I have finally decided on the type of body that I want to aim for. Jessica Biel as Abi Whistler is basically perfect. Slim but athletic and toned, more defined. You can see the muscles working in her arms and she has like, 8% body fat or something similar. Now I am fully aware that a body like this takes work, and damn hard work at that, and that is something that I am actually looking forward to. I have been considering all sorts of different types of exercise, not just gym and cycling. I would still love to be able to run, so to teach myself to do that would be brilliant. But I would like to give so many things a try, climbing, archery, boxing, martial arts etc. Unfortunately I'm neither loaded nor am I a top actor that would get all this training as part of their job! There are some things that I could try though, like I would like to take my boy (he's 11) climbing, I think that's something we could both do together and for my benefits, its brilliant for upper body strength. 

The exercise side of this has never really been a problem though, its always been the diet that I have struggled with. I do think that I am improving, very slowly though. I need to (again) stop procrastinating and just do it. So over the next few days, I am going to work up a provisional meal plan. List all the foods that I need to increase. I know the ones that I should cut out of course, but I do need alternatives. I could happily live off beans on toast for instance, but too much bread is obviously not a good thing, even if it is wholegrain.  I also need to vary my diet a lot more, as do my children for that matter, so this is a good thing for all of us. Budgeting is also going to factor in a lot to this diet. Fruit is expensive! But things like a whole chicken but using it all for more than just roasting. 

So ideas for budget but tasty and healthy meals will be most welcomed absolutely. As I have said before, any support I get from the people that read this is invaluable. It really does help me a lot. As I am rather narcissistic as many of you know!

I will be taking and adding photos this time. I feel that I have dropped enough weight for me to be seen in public (!) and I think it will be beneficial for me to have actual visual evidence to use as motivation. I will probably take three photos (one purely because I love my guns!), one front shot, one profile and one of my arms to monitor the bingo wings (and the guns!). I have also been thinking about doing a vlog every now and again. I might do that if we start doing more exciting exercise than being in the gym! Might do one if I am out cycling this weekend. I have appropriated my mothers video camera, which is awesome. 

So yeah, that's where I am up to with this.
Oooo, I may be signing up for a 50-mile charity cycle in July, depending on how my training is going. If I can up my speed a bit over the next few weeks then I'll sign up for it, if not, I'll keep training and wait until next time!
Like I said, that's where I'm up to. The next few weeks will hopefully be pretty full, with training, proper diet, running round crazy with the kids at half-term  and generally getting my life back in order.

I'm going to try and update this blog a few times a week at least, even if just with measurements but I find it does help, so I may as well use it!

And that is all from me for now. Photos will be taken and uploaded later on, remind me!

Adios, and have a cracking Friday.

*EDIT* - Updated my actual weight. 

I am here

• Bust - 38 inches
• Waist - 34 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 22 inches
• Upper arm - 12 inches

Ok, so these compared to my last recorded (here) measurements mean that I have lost a total of 7 inches since October, and a grand total of 15 inches since I first started the measurements (May last year).
Now while I am very pleased with this progress, I feel I need to step it up a gear. Or probably a couple of gears. At first I wanted gradual progress and like I said, that's great, but I want more. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. And the more I gain strength and lose weight the more I want.
I see pictures of these fit women. Strong, powerful women and I remember being one of those. I want that back and more. I have a picture on my phone lock screen that says: 

"There comes a point in life where you either accept whatever you're doing and just exist, or stop talking about what you used to be and do something completely different."

 I have it there to remind me to not just look back, but to remember that I will be stronger now. I can regain the strength that I had but it will be more because of how much more I have lived since then. It reminds me to look to the future and to look at it in a positive light.
Ive been saying for months that I can do this, and even though I knew that I could, I didn't really believe in myself 100%
But now I do. The last few weeks seem to have brought about a huge change in my outlook on life. I actually believe part of it has been a 'fake it til you make it'. I told myself pretty much every day that I could do it. I have support from so many sources, telling me that I can do it. And now I know that I can.
I strive for more. I strive for better. I want to be me, but better. And I will be. Now I know, I will be.
There's a song by the Foo Fighters that I listen to a lot, because the lyrics ring so true. Its called 'Walk' and the chorus is like this:

"I'm learning to walk again. I believe I've waited long enough, where do I begin? Learning to talk again. Cant you see Ive waited long enough, where do I begin?"

Its so perfect for the way my outlook has changed and evolved over the last few weeks. I'm not going to post the whole song because that just gets boring, you can go listen to it yourself if you want to! But so many little things are encouraging me to do what it is that I want to do. And these little things may not seem important, but all the small things add up and they help keep me on the right track.

I am back, and I am going nowhere!

New Year, New Start

I couldn't decide whether to restart with this blog, or start over completely with a new one. But my fitness isn't a new start, its a restart from the 'break' I took when my mum came home, and then it was the festive season, then I had a friend staying. So the whole diet/healthy lifestyle totally flew out of the window.
Aaanyways, here we go:
Its the 3rd of January. I haven't been to the gym since the 13th of December. In that time I have eaten so much pizza and other takeaways the the guy in the chippy suggests what I'm having before I even open my mouth. I have named myself a pizza on the Dominos menu, (the Rhodora!) because I always get the same thing. And I have drank, a lot.
But all that is about to change. The festive season is beyond over and tomorrow is my get-back-on-track day.
Tomorrow all my little people are back at school/nursery and I will be going back to the gym as soon as I've dropped them off. I then have a brisk walk planned with a good mate, along the beach I think. We will freeze but it'll do us good!
After that will be tidying back home. I need to sort the wires behind the TV so I can move it over which will then make using the Kinect a lot easier, which means even more exercise.
Also planned for tomorrow will be a healthy eating/detox regime. I think that's the most important part of the near future. I can feel how unhealthy I am right now. My skin is awful, I feel bloated all the time and I'm just craving water and vegetables!
Don't get me wrong, I have massively enjoyed the last few weeks, but now its time to get my head down and get organised.
My goal (again) is to get thin for summer, but I genuinely think I'll be able to do it this time. And not by never having anything 'bad', but just by having things in moderation. Same as I was doing.
So, measurements will be up tomorrow. And then I'll plot my plan of action and get things done.
I'll do this.  I really will.