First photo post of 2013

• Bust - 36 inches
• Waist - 33 inches
• Hips - 37 inches
• Thigh - 22.5 inches
• Upper arm - 12 inches

So there we have it. This is my starting point. 

I've done my own personal comparisons to the last photo posts and if anything has changed, I think I may be slightly bigger but on the whole, its pretty much the same.

I've adopted today as my New Years day and have written January off as a false start, considering I've been ill for basically all of it. I've been on antibiotics for a few days now and I am feeling better, so I can put into practice all the plans that I had for January! I listed all these things in my 'New Year' post that I'm basically just going to copy and paste and add a couple of new ones: 

• Take more photos - I have planned (yet another) 365 project, when I feel better though. (NOTE: Starting today.)
• Drink less alcohol - There are so many other things that I could do instead.
• Eat better food - Cook more. Its not like I don't have the books there!
• Do more exercise - I can walk, run, skate. I should, while I can.
• Spend more quality time with my monsters - I complain a lot, about all the things I can't do with them, I should concentrate on doing the things that I can.
• Save up for a holiday - A girlie weekend away would be amazing.
• Save up for a holiday mk.2 - I would love to take my monsters away for a week camping or something.
• Mate dates! - Me and my girls are all single. We've decided we're going to date each other. Just the date part mind, nothing more so stop being rude.
• Be more healthy - Doesn't really need an explanation. But do it. Again. No more excuses.
• Work harder - I need to put more effort into my uni work. I do it, but just enough.
• Get a job - Again, self-explanatory. 
• Have fun and be more positive - I complain, a lot, about everything. That should stop.
• Learn to do the splits and to do a proper strength-held handstand.
• Go wall climbing and start the boxing training.

And first things first. I started the day having our usual Friday brekkie with a couple friends.

I've come home, done some laundry and washed some dishes. I'm writing this whilst catching up on a bit of TV and putting together a playlist for when I go for my run later. 

I will do some studying and send a couple of important emails. I will also wash all the bedding and air out the kids mattresses as they're staying out all weekend. 

I am determined to be as productive as I can be and stop wasting time. I've said it time and time again, but as Buddha apparently said:

"The trouble is, you think you have time."

Well the thing is, I'm running out of time now. I'm not saying I'm old, I know I'm not, but there are things going on in my life that if I don't get up and do something about them, then they are going to bring me down and I fear that I will never pull myself out of it.

I feel I've started well today. Each week, I'm going to write a list of things that I need to do and try and do one or two a day. It sounds a bit pathetic, but small steps will get me there and will let me keep going.
I need to keep going as I'm the only one that can do this.

Having said that, I shall go and get on with my productivity.

Happy New Year everyone x

First measurements of the year

• Bust - 36 inches
• Waist - 32.5 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 22 inches
• Upper arm - 12 inches
• Weight - 161 lbs 

Theres no point me saying that I'm not happy with this, because I think we all know by now that I'm not. I just need them written down so I know what I'm working with and where to go from here. There will be a photo post following because although I do not like the way it all looks, again, it'll be a starting point and having it out there tends to motivate me a bit more.
I'm still not well. Still coughing up a lot (sorry, tmi) which kind of hinders any exercise because I can't breathe properly and the coughing obviously stops me doing a lot.
I'm considering the doctors tomorrow to see if there is anything that they can do considering its been 4 weeks now and I haven't been 'well' at any point during that time.
This is karma for me being smug about not getting ill all last year methinks. That'll teach me.
I've decided that I'm going to be a bit of a recluse this week. I have things to do for myself, for my sanity, and for my general day to day life that I need to stop putting off and just get done. Little things that will make that day to day life feel easier and more organised, but I need to make the time to do it.
Considering that I can't really run or do any sorts of cardio at the minute, then this is probably an ideal time to get my shit together whilst I concentrate on getting better.
So that is this weeks plan. Exercise is being put to one side, just for a bit, while I pull my head out of the sand and fix the areas of my life that I have been ignoring for so long, that are probably a huge part of the reason why I feel so down and miserable and unmotivated lately.
I need to stop being scared and hiding, and find some confidence that will eke out at least a tiny bit of motivation. I know it's there somewhere, I just have to find it.
Because basically, I just can't live this way anymore.

Tomorrow is day 1. Really this time ..

So, as the title says, tomorrow is the first day of Project Awesome. I have been shopping today and I have this new little running (lower half) outfit and the most beautiful new trainers! Just look at those babys! And they're SO comfortable.

I got my sweatpants (not as big as I would like but they will do for now) and legwarmers (I think I'm going to have to ask my mama to make me the type that I really want). Although saying that about the sweatpants, once I've dropped a bit of weight, they should be as big as I actually want them.

So yeah, tomorrows plan is a bit of healthy grocery shopping and a few errands, then I'll be getting my fat arse down the road and attempting to burn a few calories.

Wish me luck.

Oh, if I don't make it back, it was nice knowing you all.

On to day two ...

So first day was a huge fail. Ended up having leftover curry and sharing chips with the monsters. Tomorrow is a new day ... blah blah. Again.
I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. Proper foods, and some vitamins to give me a boost.
Then Wednesday I'm going to go and get myself some new running shoes as mine are worn out and make my shins hurt like hell. Nothing fancy, just the cheapest, half-decent ones that I can get my hands on.
And then I will have no excuse.
Well, I will, I'll have tons, but I'll try not to use them.

Before and, one day, after

There are a few things going on in my life that are completely out of my control. Things that I won't go into detail about, but they're not good things.
There are a lot of things that are absolutely and completely in my control, and my health is one of them. I think what I need to do at the moment, is to concentrate on the things that I can do.
Tomorrow is going to be the beginning of my #ProjectAwesome. Its a little thing that myself and a few friends have decided to do, to take back control of things that will make us happier.
I took this photo on New Years Eve. I absolutely adore this dress and it looks ok, but it clearly bulges out on all the wrong places.

I'm currently a size 14/16, I weigh around 160lbs. For my height of 5'3", I am classed as overweight. To be slap bang in the middle of my 'ideal' weight, I need to lose about 28lbs. 

The picture below is the kind of figure that I am aspiring to. She's thin but not skinny and that stomach is toned and taut. I know it will take a lot of work, but once I get stuck into the workout side, I really do enjoy it and end up feeling it if I miss a workout.

I personally want to be back to a size 8/10 as I feel that is the size that I look my best, what with being a tiny little short-arse. I'm not a fad diet fan, I'm not a Weight Watchers or Slimming World user. I won't follow strict diet plans or meal-replacement plans so the only way I can do this is the old fashioned eat-better, drink-less, move-more style.

I know all the things that I have to do to change things. I've done it before. I did it last year and I was so much happier, so much more confident and I have no idea why I stopped. It all just stalled I guess.

So tomorrow is my start (again) to my new life. Everything is going to change (again), bear with people, bear with.

Oh, and wish me luck. And kick my arse. 

No more excuses.

Naturally ..

So I appear to be having this natural, subconscious change in diet.
I'm hungry, and usually if I'm hungry I'll crave bread or biscuits or other generally pretty unhealthy foods. Except now I'm not. I'm craving salads and fruits and the thought of bread or cheese just makes me want to hurl.
Obviously this is a good thing, and I'm not really complaining, aside from the fact that I don't have any healthy foods in at the moment, (on account of a severe lack of cash) but I just find it quite bizarre that my body is actually helping me with the changes that I'm planning on making.
It kind of proves to me, that it is simply a case of mind over matter, and that I can do this again. And that I can do this easily.
Maybe this time I'll actually reach my goal.
Saying that, I haven't set one. That'll be today's plan then.

New year, new st ... oh wait

Well hi there, and how are we?

Me? How very kind of you to ask. Well, I feel like crap as it happens. I've got the flu. No, not a bit of a cold, but the actual flu. With chills and aches and a distinct lack of a real voice. And a cough, oh the cough is the most annoying thing. I can't laugh, I can't sneeze, I can barely even fricking breathe without it irritating my throat and making me cough. Although it is helping me sound a bit like Jessica Rabbit when I speak.
And Muttley when I laugh, but swings and roundabouts ya know.

So yeah, I've been genuinely ill since the 27th December. I tried medicine, I tried rest. I tried ignoring it. Nothing worked. I even tried going out on New Years Eve, completely against all advice of people who knew me that I should've stayed in, and tried to kill it with alcohol, hero that I am. That didn't work either. I finally went to the doctors (I was forced, I wouldn't have gone of my own accord) who listened to my chest, looked at my throat and ears and swiftly diagnosed me with the flu and sent me on my way. I don't think I've ever been in and out of a doctors room so fast.
All I can do is wait until it runs its course and goes away.

I had all sorts of New Year New You (blah blah) plans. All of which I will be going ahead with, I'm just going to have to postpone them all until I feel better.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, I shall make a lovely list of the things that I plan on doing more of this year. Some of which I may even do, and not just talk about:

• Take more photos - I have planned (yet another) 365 project, when I feel better though.
• Drink less alcohol - There are so many other things that I could do instead.
• Eat better food - Cook more. Its not like I don't have the books there!
• Do more exercise - I can walk, run, skate. I should, while I can.
• Spend more quality time with my monsters - I complain a lot, about all the things I can't do with them, I should concentrate on doing the things that I can.
• Save up for a holiday - A girlie weekend away would be amazing.
• Save up for a holiday mk.2 - I would love to take my monsters away for a week camping or something.
• Mate dates! - Me and my girls are all single. We've decided we're going to date each other. Just the date part mind, nothing more so stop being rude.
• Be more healthy - Doesn't really need an explanation. But do it. Again. No more excuses.
• Work harder - I need to put more effort into my uni work. I do it, but just enough.
• Get a job - Again, self-explanatory. 
• Have fun and be more positive - I complain, a lot, about everything. That should stop.

So yeah, just a few things that I've been thinking about doing. 

Its all about improvement of life in general. A nod to the blog name change here, and the explanation of the word is right there, if you didn't know what it meant. I didn't. 

Oh, and last one, I want to blog more. About everything. Text, video, photo blogs. All of it. I want my memories where I can't forget them, and that's what I'm going to try and do. 

Sorry about that. 

Enjoy. Or don't, obviously that's entirely up to you.

Words and empty promises

Well this has to stop.
My last post was all about me changing again, about me getting back on the right path and what have I done? Absolutely not a single thing.
I have just eaten chips and curry, and now I feel massively unhealthy, fat and weak-willed. And I feel like that because that is pretty much exactly what I am right now.
I have no excuses. I have no reasons. I have nothing. I've done nothing. No exercise, no restrictions. I've eaten whatever I've wanted and chosen badly. I haven't been to the gym, or for a run or even cycled anywhere in the last few months.
That self-given goal is still there but I have done quite the opposite of what I wanted to do, towards it.
Every day for the last few days, weeks in fact, I've promised that 'tomorrow' will be the day. Its always tomorrow.

I want it to be tomorrow though. I don't want to feel this disgusting any more. I'm going to take photos and measurements tomorrow morning. I may or may not post them, depends on how ashamed I am of the numbers and pictures. Although that may well push me in to doing something about it.
I know exactly what it is that I have to do, and it's small steps, but I need to take the small steps in the right direction and I absolutely haven't been.
School runs and times are all settled now. My uni work is going well. I have run out of excuses. There are a billion resources out there that can help and support me with my journey and I should take advantage of them.
I also need to get off my fat arse and go for a run. It really is that simple.

I'm not promising anything, as I've broken any promise to that end that I've made lately, but tomorrow I really will try to stop being so lazy.
Once again, I'm going to ask for your help. Shout at me, tell me I'm fat (seriously, I need to hear it, and its not being mean because its true, Remind me why I want to do this, and point out how much better I felt when I had lost a stone the last time.
This isn't a fad diet or a quick fix, this is yet another lifestyle overhaul. Other things in my life are falling in to place, its only right that this one follows suit.

No more excuses.

Not happy

Its been a couple months since I last posted. A few things have changed since then. Main one being that I am a hell of a lot unfitter than I was three months ago.
I'm actually quite disappointed in myself right now.
I weighed myself earlier and realised that I have actually put on around 7lbs. I don't know exactly as I was clothed differently and it was a different time of day etc. I've also put on inches around my waist. Again, not sure exactly and didn't measure anywhere else as I didn't really want to know.
I have plenty of excuses as to why this has happened. School holidays, having to cancel the gym, not having the right foods etc. but the bottom line is, I stopped trying. It was easier to not eat correctly. It was easier to stay home and not go out and cycle. I got lazy again.
I got fatter again.
Considering how I felt when I had lost some of the weight, when I was on the way to becoming fit and healthy, I genuinely don't know why I just gave up. Again, laziness I suppose.

There really is only one thing for it now, and I must try again. I have to start over. But this time I will not give up. Because once I get to where I want to be, that will be where I will want to stay and that will also take work.

I have a goal now. An actual goal that means I need to have a better body shape than I do now. I won't elaborate, not yet, but its there.

My goal is fitness, health and in much better shape, figuratively and literally, than I am in now. And giving up, laziness, they're not options this time. And I'll get there.

I've given myself no other choice.

Running

Thursday last week I downloaded an app that I hope will actually change my life. I am aware that sounds incredibly dramatic, but its actually true.
Its the 'Couch to 5k' app. I am currently on day 2, and I'm really enjoying it. It is hard, damn hard, because I cannot run. I have no stamina for running. Stick me on a bike and I'll go 3 hours without a complaint, make me run for more than a minute and I will collapse at your feet.
So I am hoping that this app will teach me how to run, build up my stamina and also my general fitness levels.
I don't want to be good at just cycling, or skating or just one thing. I want to be able to do whatever I decide to do that day.
The app itself is great, what I'm doing at the moment is run for 1 minute, then walk for 1.5 minutes then run for 1 minute and so on. I have a guy in my ear telling me when I should run and walk, and then congratulates me when I'm done! I like the end bit most.
So yeah, that's my latest exercise news. I'll be spending the day studying then break for the gym at 2pm, then off to the park with the kids after school, minibeast hunting.
Oh, if anyone is interested, I keep an online food diary, (which really does help a lot actually) its here if you want to have a little look. Be warned, I am far from perfect!

I think I win at today already.

Teetotal

So yeah, as the post title suggests, I am thinking of going teetotal. Not forever of course, just for a month or so. Like a bit of a detox. I've found that when I do go out on say, a Friday night, my whole weekend is then written off. I don't get hangovers as such, but I guess they are in a way. I do drink a lot when I go out, I'm not going to deny that, pints and shots mainly, and I smoke when I drink too, which obviously is very bad for me, but it is a habit that I have got.
So, what I've been thinking, is that after my birthday (a week today!!), I'm going to lay off the drinking. I probably won't go out, as my willpower is really rather weak! I'm going to spend my time either in the gym, running, cycling, skating or studying. Or of course, being with my kids if they are with me.
I know that I am going to find this incredibly difficult. I really like drinking! But it seems like this is a natural progression for me and where I am headed.
I went out, had a great night with my friends Friday just gone, but I didn't wake up until late on Saturday and I did nothing. I had no kids that day, but I didn't go to the gym, I didn't even leave the house except to go to the shop 30 seconds away. And on Sunday I just felt incredibly down. I was snapping at the kids and that alone isn't fair on them. I'm just starting to think that its not worth it.
I know I could go out and drink in moderation, and that will be the next step, but for now, I think avoiding all temptation will be my best bet. Its not forever, and I can do this. I'll need masses of support though.

I can do this. (Probably.)

Photo post number two

• Bust - 34 inches
• Waist - 31.5 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 21 inches
• Upper arm - 12 inches
• Weight - 11.11st

Well, second photo blogpost means I've put on weight, but lost inches. Personally, I can also see a difference in my tummy, in the side profile picture. Thing is, I can fluctuate by about half a stone overnight. I always have done. Lord knows how, but I do! Which means that I have to take more stock in my measurements and visual factors, than my actual weight.
We all know that weight can change for a billion reasons so I'm not too bothered about that difference.
I've started a new morning routine too, it consists of:

• 10 press-ups
• 20 squats
• 30 lunges
• 50 sec wall-sit
• 90 sec star jumps

And then do it in reverse. It hurts, and is actually harder than it looks. For me anyways. But I'm going to keep at it. I started it yesterday, and can only do it up to where I've listed there, I can't do it the way back down. But hopefully in a weeks time, that will have changed.

I'm really quite into the fitness side of my work now. I read up on a lot of different 'tactics' and types of exercise. If I had unlimited money, there would be so much that I want to try. Climbing, archery and roller derby to name a few. But we all know that these things cost money, so the closest I'll be getting will be on the Xbox or something! Aaaanyways, I want to give running another try. I've been given advice, and have been shown a website, which will help immensely. I've also done some research of my own and think I finally have a plan of action. My main issue is that I will have to keep my patience in check. I am not fit. I'm strong yes, but I'm not fit. I was told today, that my cycling would actually work against me running, as cycling builds up your quads but doesn't do much for your hamstrings, and vice versa with running. So it'll probably take me a little longer to get through it. I've decide that's going to be my end-of-year goal, to be able to run. Not a marathon or anything, but just a little bit. Maybe ten minutes without dying (Yes, I'm that bad!) and work it up from there.

I've spoken to my trainer today, as my workout was getting a little same-y, so she is going to write me up another, so I have a workout A and workout B, that should keep me occupied and interested.

My immediate goal is to lose a stone by my birthday, which is on the 2nd July. It sounds like a lot, but I think its easily achievable if I put the effort in.
I saw a picture the other day, it said "Want faster results? Simple. Work harder."

It's true.

P.S. Excuse my bruises.

 

Photo post número uno

So, I've gotten to the point where I feel a bit better about how I look. I'm going to start weekly comparison photo posts. And this is my first. I'll put measurements and weight in too. I'm also going to do clothed, and er, not so clothed!
There will be no nakedness though!
I find it annoying but not surprising that I look so much better with clothes, but they're sucking in what clearly needs sucking in!
Tell you what though, if this doesn't motivate me, nothing will!

Taking my life back

• Bust - 36.5 inches
• Waist - 32 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 21 inches
• Upper arm - 12.5 inches
• Weight - 11.7 st 

Well, those measurements were unexpected. I had honestly thought that I would either be the same since I last posted, or bigger. I can't say I'm over the moon, but I am happy.Although I haven't really been doing all that much apart from the last couple of weeks. And not even this week.
But that is all going to change. (Again!) As the title of this post says, I am going to take my life back. I had been progressing well, and then things happened. I'm not going to go into what or why as that's not what this blog is about (I will say elsewhere so if you want that blog address, let me know!). So yeah, I had some setbacks, then just as I get back on track, we discover that my eldest is ill and has to be taken to hospital, we find out he has a blood disorder but he's sort of ok. So that knocked my revival on its head this week! Again, that'll be spoken about in more detail elsewhere if you're interested.

So, here it is. My measurements are better than I thought they would be, I will weigh myself sometime over the next few days but my last weight from about a week ago is up there.
I watched Blade: Trinity a couple days ago and I have finally decided on the type of body that I want to aim for. Jessica Biel as Abi Whistler is basically perfect. Slim but athletic and toned, more defined. You can see the muscles working in her arms and she has like, 8% body fat or something similar. Now I am fully aware that a body like this takes work, and damn hard work at that, and that is something that I am actually looking forward to. I have been considering all sorts of different types of exercise, not just gym and cycling. I would still love to be able to run, so to teach myself to do that would be brilliant. But I would like to give so many things a try, climbing, archery, boxing, martial arts etc. Unfortunately I'm neither loaded nor am I a top actor that would get all this training as part of their job! There are some things that I could try though, like I would like to take my boy (he's 11) climbing, I think that's something we could both do together and for my benefits, its brilliant for upper body strength. 

The exercise side of this has never really been a problem though, its always been the diet that I have struggled with. I do think that I am improving, very slowly though. I need to (again) stop procrastinating and just do it. So over the next few days, I am going to work up a provisional meal plan. List all the foods that I need to increase. I know the ones that I should cut out of course, but I do need alternatives. I could happily live off beans on toast for instance, but too much bread is obviously not a good thing, even if it is wholegrain.  I also need to vary my diet a lot more, as do my children for that matter, so this is a good thing for all of us. Budgeting is also going to factor in a lot to this diet. Fruit is expensive! But things like a whole chicken but using it all for more than just roasting. 

So ideas for budget but tasty and healthy meals will be most welcomed absolutely. As I have said before, any support I get from the people that read this is invaluable. It really does help me a lot. As I am rather narcissistic as many of you know!

I will be taking and adding photos this time. I feel that I have dropped enough weight for me to be seen in public (!) and I think it will be beneficial for me to have actual visual evidence to use as motivation. I will probably take three photos (one purely because I love my guns!), one front shot, one profile and one of my arms to monitor the bingo wings (and the guns!). I have also been thinking about doing a vlog every now and again. I might do that if we start doing more exciting exercise than being in the gym! Might do one if I am out cycling this weekend. I have appropriated my mothers video camera, which is awesome. 

So yeah, that's where I am up to with this.
Oooo, I may be signing up for a 50-mile charity cycle in July, depending on how my training is going. If I can up my speed a bit over the next few weeks then I'll sign up for it, if not, I'll keep training and wait until next time!
Like I said, that's where I'm up to. The next few weeks will hopefully be pretty full, with training, proper diet, running round crazy with the kids at half-term  and generally getting my life back in order.

I'm going to try and update this blog a few times a week at least, even if just with measurements but I find it does help, so I may as well use it!

And that is all from me for now. Photos will be taken and uploaded later on, remind me!

Adios, and have a cracking Friday.

*EDIT* - Updated my actual weight. 

I am here

• Bust - 38 inches
• Waist - 34 inches
• Hips - 38 inches
• Thigh - 22 inches
• Upper arm - 12 inches

Ok, so these compared to my last recorded (here) measurements mean that I have lost a total of 7 inches since October, and a grand total of 15 inches since I first started the measurements (May last year).
Now while I am very pleased with this progress, I feel I need to step it up a gear. Or probably a couple of gears. At first I wanted gradual progress and like I said, that's great, but I want more. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. And the more I gain strength and lose weight the more I want.
I see pictures of these fit women. Strong, powerful women and I remember being one of those. I want that back and more. I have a picture on my phone lock screen that says: 

"There comes a point in life where you either accept whatever you're doing and just exist, or stop talking about what you used to be and do something completely different."

 I have it there to remind me to not just look back, but to remember that I will be stronger now. I can regain the strength that I had but it will be more because of how much more I have lived since then. It reminds me to look to the future and to look at it in a positive light.
Ive been saying for months that I can do this, and even though I knew that I could, I didn't really believe in myself 100%
But now I do. The last few weeks seem to have brought about a huge change in my outlook on life. I actually believe part of it has been a 'fake it til you make it'. I told myself pretty much every day that I could do it. I have support from so many sources, telling me that I can do it. And now I know that I can.
I strive for more. I strive for better. I want to be me, but better. And I will be. Now I know, I will be.
There's a song by the Foo Fighters that I listen to a lot, because the lyrics ring so true. Its called 'Walk' and the chorus is like this:

"I'm learning to walk again. I believe I've waited long enough, where do I begin? Learning to talk again. Cant you see Ive waited long enough, where do I begin?"

Its so perfect for the way my outlook has changed and evolved over the last few weeks. I'm not going to post the whole song because that just gets boring, you can go listen to it yourself if you want to! But so many little things are encouraging me to do what it is that I want to do. And these little things may not seem important, but all the small things add up and they help keep me on the right track.

I am back, and I am going nowhere!

New Year, New Start

I couldn't decide whether to restart with this blog, or start over completely with a new one. But my fitness isn't a new start, its a restart from the 'break' I took when my mum came home, and then it was the festive season, then I had a friend staying. So the whole diet/healthy lifestyle totally flew out of the window.
Aaanyways, here we go:
Its the 3rd of January. I haven't been to the gym since the 13th of December. In that time I have eaten so much pizza and other takeaways the the guy in the chippy suggests what I'm having before I even open my mouth. I have named myself a pizza on the Dominos menu, (the Rhodora!) because I always get the same thing. And I have drank, a lot.
But all that is about to change. The festive season is beyond over and tomorrow is my get-back-on-track day.
Tomorrow all my little people are back at school/nursery and I will be going back to the gym as soon as I've dropped them off. I then have a brisk walk planned with a good mate, along the beach I think. We will freeze but it'll do us good!
After that will be tidying back home. I need to sort the wires behind the TV so I can move it over which will then make using the Kinect a lot easier, which means even more exercise.
Also planned for tomorrow will be a healthy eating/detox regime. I think that's the most important part of the near future. I can feel how unhealthy I am right now. My skin is awful, I feel bloated all the time and I'm just craving water and vegetables!
Don't get me wrong, I have massively enjoyed the last few weeks, but now its time to get my head down and get organised.
My goal (again) is to get thin for summer, but I genuinely think I'll be able to do it this time. And not by never having anything 'bad', but just by having things in moderation. Same as I was doing.
So, measurements will be up tomorrow. And then I'll plot my plan of action and get things done.
I'll do this.  I really will.

Could do better.

• Bust - 38 inches
• Waist - 37 inches
• Hips - 40 inches
• Thigh - 23 inches
• Upper arm - 13 inches

This week has been a bad week. I didn't think I had eaten any worse than usual, but the results clearly speak for themselves. I'm not going to beat myself up about this, as I haven't had the best week in terms of where my head has been at, but I'm not hiding behind that as an excuse. I have to try harder. Just because I'm feeling down for whatever reason, comfort eating will never be a good thing.

I won't be going to the gym today, due to only get 3 hours kip last night and I am knackered, I just don't have the energy. But tomorrow, I plan on getting up early, before the kids (Ha, we'll see.) and working out, doing this programme that a friend of mine has done for me. Then going to the gym once the kids have gone to school. I'm also going to get my PT at the gym to do me a new programme, getting a bit bored of the one I'm doing and one of the machines, I absolutely hate. I don't put any effort into it and sometimes avoid it altogether. Think it might be better to avoid it until I'm fitter maybe. 

On top of that, I'm going to be way more rigorous about my diet. I cant really afford to buy loads of food right now anyways! Which is a good thing for me. But yeah, I am going to summon all of my willpower and put it all into eating right.

That is going to be my main goal this week, eating properly. I'm going to start reading Jason Vales juice book too. Ive threatened to try it for years, may as well give it a go. 

Wish me luck, again!

Small steps

• Bust - 37 inches
• Waist - 36.5 inches
• Hips - 40.5 inches
• Upper arm - 13 inches
• Thigh - 23 inches
• Weight - 81.6kg/12.8 stone (*edit)

Ive done it again. Ive managed to lose an inch or so. This is slightly blighted by the fact that I appear to have put on an inch round my hips, but weight shifts or something right? I haven't been to the gym yet today so haven't weighed myself. That will be edited in shortly.

I've pretty recently discovered the awesome website/magazine that is Mens Health. Now, I am fully aware that this website is aimed at blokes, but the womens equivalent just isn't as good in my opinion. Its so, well, girly! I want muscles, not massive body builder type muscles, but I want to be a bit more than just toned. I want my abs back. I want to see muscle definition. Like I say, I don't want to be some big muscly blokey looking type but I want more than just thin. 

Ive never been skinny, except when I was a kid, I was always athletic. Yeah I was thin, and I was fit, but no way could you have said I was skinny. I didn't want all my bones sticking out, that isn't pretty, Ive never wanted that.

So, now we have established what the body type is that I am after, we can get on with it. And I do say we, as you are supporting me and helping me to achieve what it is I want. And I want to thank you for that.

Anyone that reads this, that comments, that 'tweets' me or says something face to face, I want to thank you. Because you're all helping me along my little journey.

I will be going to the gym shortly, where I take my personalised workout and whack it up a few notches. Ive been running more, the PT said running isn't that good but the fast walking doesn't get my heart rate up like I want it to. And if I don't feel like the workout is helping me, then I wont put as much effort into it. Which sounds weird I know. Actually, its probably about time I get the PT to sort me a new one. I must remember to ask that. 

Enough of thinking out loud. I have a day away from the kids today and I have shitloads to do. First and foremost, the gym. 

Wish me a good workout kids!

(*edit - I added in my current weight too.)

Progress!

• Bust - 37 inches
• Waist - 38 inches
• Hips - 39.5 inches
• Upper arm - 13 inches
• Thigh - 24 inches

So. There we go. Ive lost 4 inches all over. Ive been to the gym twice, (possibly only once I cant remember) and Ive lost 4 inches. I haven't weighed myself as I'm not in the gym until tomorrow and that is where the scales are. I don't want scales in my house as would weigh myself at least twice a day and despair that the number was fluctuating so much. 

So, now I know just how much lack of routine due to school holidays (and probably other stuff) affects me and my health. And I will prepare appropriately next time. (Maybe. Probably not.)

This does, however, give me inspiration to push on. The amount of weight I had put on had really brought me down, but now I know that a lot of it must have been to do with the lack of routine, it'll be easier for me to get back into it. I mean, thinking about it, I walk at least 3 times a day to drop off and pick up kids when they're at school, every week day. Its not far but it makes me get up and move about. In the holidays there would be days when we didn't go out due to weather or other things. Holidays make me lazy(er).

I think Ive been making more of an effort on the food side as well. I find this part really difficult. If I had a chef that would put meals in front of me and be like, 'Eat that, eat this' at regular times, Id be laughing. But I don't. And I have to discipline myself. And I'm the ONLY one that can. Hell, Ive had Ben & Jerrys in the freezer for over a week! This must be progress.

So yeah, back at the gym again tomorrow. Have to take my bike in to have the puncture repaired. Going to get panniers fitted in a week or so, then I can use it to go and do my shopping as well. Might even get a basket. Baskets are cool.

It seems this week is being a good week. I am going to try and keep it going. 

This is a good sign.

Week 1. Again.

• Bust - 38.5 inches
• Waist - 39 inches
• Hips - 41 inches
• Thigh - 25 inches
• Upper arm - 13 inches
• Weight - 82kg / 13 stone

So there we have it. Guess who majorly failed over the summer holidays? Yep, me. 

At the moment, I weigh the most that I think I ever have. Including pregnancies. 

At the moment, I actually disgust myself. I'm not saying that so people will say 'Oh you're not that bad' etc. I'm saying that because its truth, pure and simple. As I write this, I have just finished double fried eggs on toast and now I just feel fat.

I know this was meant to be all about my new start, and I guess it is. Except its new start round 2. 

As of tomorrow (because today is my sons birthday and I'm taking him to McDonalds so saying I'll start today would be, well, ridiculous) I am going to be the picture of health. I'm going to eat properly and regularly. At the moment I survive on coffee until at least lunchtime, then eat a big meal because I say its breakfast and lunch in one.

I have excuse after excuse of why I eat what I do. And always justify it to myself with a 'Oh its just this once', or 'Its not that bad'. But the only person that I fool, and I don't really, is myself.

Like I have said, this healthier way of life is not for anyone but me. I'm not doing this to get a man or to even attract their attention (although it would be nice as a 'side-effect'!), I'm doing this solely for me. Well, maybe a little bit for the kids because they will benefit when I can run further than 50 yards without dying! But mostly for me.

I have no excuse with the kids being at school now. I can go to the gym, I can cycle, I have roller boots there ffs, I can do that too. And now I'm wanting to take photos of EVERYthing, I can incorporate that into my cycling and walking.

And when I waiver, because I will, I will remind myself of how I felt when I stood on the scales and was horrified at the number. I want to be fit. I want to be athletic. I want to be healthy.

I think I may have finally run out of excuses to myself.